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The Stanford Review Sympathy Quiz
What Kind of Reader are You?
Several people have recently told our staff members that, although they do not agree with the Review, they read it for an assortment of other reasons (entertainment value, not feeling angry enough, keeping track of the enemy, and so on). As a service to our readers, we offer the following quiz to help determine if you're one of our supportive readers, or not (just in case you weren't sure).

When you first pick up the Review do you:
a) Read it from cover to cover without putting it down
b) Skip straight to the opinions section and find the most offensive opinions piece, which you enjoy
c) Put it down
d) Skip straight to the opinions section and find the most offensive opinions piece, which you take a visceral pleasure in hating

You come across a copy of the Review lying on the street. Do you:
a) Read it from cover to cover on the spot
b) Put it in your pocket and read it when you get home
c) Throw it away
d) Recycle it

Walking around campus, you see one of the Review's distribution bins. Do you:
a) Take out an issue and read it from cover to cover on the spot
b) Take an issue to read later
c) Ignore it
d) Grab all the issues out, toss them in the nearest recycling bin, then knock over the bin and kick it a few times

You hear that the Review has invited a speaker to campus. Do you:
a) Show up half an hour early and get a front row seat
b) Show up
c) Not hear about the event
d) Show up wearing black and try to shout down the speaker

A distributor is giving out copies of the Review in your dorm. Do you:
a) Offer to help
b) Happily take a copy
c) Politely decline to take an issue
d) Less politely decline to take an issue and call the police. Later, secretly borrow a friend's issue so that you can get angry about it.

You learn that your next door neighbor writes for the Review. Do you:
a) Rejoice that you live near such an august personage
b) Congratulate them on their latest article
c) Not care
d) Spend the rest of the year getting symbolic vengence by putting a single piece of bright red clothing into every load of white laundry they do.

If You Answered:
Mostly a's: A truly devoted reader. If you aren't working for us yet, you should be; write us and get started.
Mostly b's: An avid reader. We're glad to have you around. Write us a letter.
Mostly c's: You are obviously a philosophy major dabbling in paradox, since you are reading this even though you clearly don't read the Review. Write the physics department.
Mostly d's: We hope you feel sufficiently offended by our recent issues. Clearly you have a difficult decision to make: do you write a complaint to the Daily, or directly to the University President?

Page last modified on Thursday, 02-Mar-2006 00:17:48 MST.