The Worst of Stanford

Place to See/Be Seen – The Stacks
Cold, musty, and dark, the Green Library Stacks make up a social blackhole. If you need indoor solitude, this is your best bet. So find one of the hidden desks, take out your books, and don’t worry about distractions.

Coffee-Axe & Palm’s Peet Brew
This is an easy decision. In fact, as soon as one tastes the first drop of the Axe & Palm’s brew of Peet’s coffee, you know the winner.  The flavor is not robust, it’s just plain strong.  The strength is so overpowering that each sip bruises the back of the throat, and the bitterness adds a whole new level of discomfort to the experience.  One needs almost the entire jug of creamer just to soften this coffee enough to make it drinkable.  Let’s not even count the Splenda packets on this one.

The fact that you can purchase this terrible concoction at all hours of the night using your Cardinal dollars does make the Axe & Palm’s Peet’s the most convenient joe at Stanford.  We should be able to buy a cup of coffee at 1:30 AM. However, we should also be able to enjoy that cup of coffee.  Despite its convenience, the Axe & Palm’s coffee is just terrible.

Place to Study – Meyer 24-Hour Study Room
This is where fun went to die. This dingy, dark room on the first floor of Meyer is always filled with stressed-out workaholics. The silence is deafening; don’t even think about sneezing or you’ll be kicked out. This room is at worst around finals, late at night, when people are grumpy and overworked.

Sandwiches – The Axe and Palm
At the Axe and Palm, you have two kinds of sandwiches: limp and watery or bland and dry. If you are craving a tasteless chicken sandwich that will take an hour to appear at the orders window, this is your best bet.

Place to Party – Freshmen Dorms
Frosh parties are suitable for frosh, but upper classmen need not attend or risk maximum sketchiness.

Stanford Sporting Event – Any home sporting event before classes begin or during winter break
Why does the Athletic Department schedule football and basketball games and other sporting events when students aren’t even on campus? Why were two of Stanford’s home football games last season played before late-September? Why did Stanford basketball host Arizona during Winter Break? It makes no sense.

Place to Meet Girls – Math, Science and Engineering Classes
The Human Biology core, taken every year by sophomores, is filled with girls. Physics, math, and engineering classes? Not so much.

Place to Meet Guys – The Women’s Center
Men, so far as I can tell, generally do not venture into this place, located near Tresidder Union in the Old Firehouse. Moreover, I’m not sure they’d be allowed in if they tried.