Even Worse than Cal: USC and Its Overpriced Victories

![Former USC star and alleged murderer, O.J. Simpson. (Steve Marcus/The Associated Press)](/content/uploads/oj.jpg)
Former USC star and alleged murderer, O.J. Simpson. (Steve Marcus/The Associated Press)
USC is even worse than Cal. We worry too much about our hippie rivals across the bay. Hopefully after reading this essay we will all realize that it is time to focus on the real enemy: the USC Trojans.

For starters, USC has the most annoying marching band in all of college football, and possibly the entire world. After every running play that yields more than 1 yard, or any complete pass, or any defensive play in which Stanford does not score, expect to hear “Tribute to Troy”–a painful beat that somewhat resembles “The Imperial March” from Star Wars. Its fight song, “Fight On” is equally annoying. Most teams usually reserve the fight song for touchdowns, field goals, and turnovers; USC plays its song after every first down. Apparently the band only knows how to play two songs. Furthermore, the entire band wears sunglasses regardless of whether it is a day or night game. I assume they think they’re just too cool to make eye contact with anyone else.

I will admit that the football team itself is very impressive. With a history of great Heisman Trophy winners (like O.J. Simpson), the program has a tradition that is nearly unmatched. It has almost gotten to the point where USC has become the pro football team of Los Angeles. Apparently, their players also think they play for a professional because they seem to be getting paid; there is an ongoing investigation as to whether Reggie Bush accepted $100,000 in benefits from an agent while wearing the USC uniform.

Moreover, the football team has a graduation rate that is pathetic. According to Scout. com, Stanford graduates 93% of its football players and has the highest graduation rate in the PAC-10. USC, meanwhile, graduates only 57% of its players. I would like to say that USC is even worse than Cal in this regard, but Cal’s football graduation rate is only 52%. Apparently the hippie football players cannot be bothered to go to class.

But back to USC. The fine South-Central Los Angeles institution charges students even more money for tuition than Stanford charges us. As we all know, our school charges $36,030 per year for tuition and fees. USC charges $37,740 per year. To compare the products the students are buying, USC is ranked 27th in the US News and World Report National College rankings while Stanford is ranked 4th. So basically, if you go to USC you are paying more for an inferior product. Meanwhile, Cal costs less than $10,00 per year for those so unfortunate to live in this state.

Related to the unusually high cost of tuition is the make-up of the student body. It should not be surprising that the Los Angeles Times mentioned that John McCain referred to USC as the “University of Spoiled Children” over the summer. When I think of USC, I think of the spoiled-rich characters from the cancelled FOX show The OC. If Barack Obama wants to redistribute wealth in the coming months, he can start by taxing the USC marching band every time it belches out its stupid song.

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