As the Review has previously covered in detail, the COVID-19 pandemic has brought out an incredible amount of stupidity on the Stanford campus. Masks on bicycles, twice-weekly testing for vaccinated students this Spring – 2021 has been a very weird time at Stanford, to put it mildly.
To help non-Stanford readers share in the campus experience, the Review has compiled a small gallery of the best COVID-19 warnings around the Farm. Some were posted physically, some emailed, but all indicative of the strange and anti-scientific state of life at one of America's top research universities.
"Wear your masks on the courts"
Among the more fascinating virus "adaptations" pushed all around the country is the active discouragement and policing of exercise. UC Berkeley went as far as banning outdoor exercise, which is certainly one way to promote student health. Stanford isn't quite there yet, but if basketball players don't "abide" and mask up...
"Please Do Not Move Tables"
Stanford may be correct that Santa Clara County restricts the movement dining tables, but what this has to do with preventing viral spread when the dining areas are operating at full capacity anyway, nobody knows. Maybe the virus could jump off the surface of the table when moved?
"NO PERSONAL CONTAINERS"
Stanford Dining is committed to excellent service
This one is brazen even for Stanford R&DE. For many years, Stanford Dining has waged a campaign against tupperwares, bags, water bottles, and other containers, seeking to crack down on students taking any of the food that they paid for from the dining halls. So let's be clear: Stanford is trying to launder this longstanding policy as a pandemic "precaution" in order to justify it, but it has nothing to do with stopping the spread.
"USE ONLY FOR FILLING BOTTLES & CUPS"
Do not drink directly from fountain
Beware the drinking fountain...
Remember how dangerous personal containers like water bottles are? Oops, that only applies in dining halls! Apparently, elsewhere on campus, filling up water bottles is actually the only way to safely hydrate. The Review is often hard on Stanford administrators, but you can't say they aren't consistent!
"EVERYONE IS AT RISK"
WE NEED YOU TO GO THE OTHER WAY
Here's our message for Susie Brubaker-Cole, who sent this email full of misinformation about risk, especially from outdoor gatherings:
EVERYONE IS VACCINATED
We need you to stop panicking!
"STAY SAFE" featuring Dr. Anthony Fauci
This masked, life-sized cutout of America's highest-paid bureaucrat and TV doctor extraordinaire stands guard outside the law library, a poignant metaphor for how medical authorities (and "public health scientists" masquerading as doctors) have usurped political power from elected representatives and wielded it to impose unending restrictions on the public.
Honorable mention: Stanford "CleanDining"
This dystopian video instructing on-campus students how to "safely" get their meals from a dining hall was produced last year. Thankfully, these measures – a forehead temperature checker, "electostatic [sic.] cleaning" of tables, everything packaged in plastic, line dividers to keep students going in one direction (not unlike livestock) – were gone when campus opened up to all Stanford students last month. But you should watch anyway as a reminder of what the Stanford Covid regime looked like as late as June.
Stanford community members: if you saw or heard a great COVID-19 precaution that we missed, send it to us! firstname.lastname@example.org