College Round Up

Each week Fiat Lux takes a look at the happenings on the campuses of other universities and brings them to readers free of charge. This week’s edition focuses on student governments and the general un-newsworthiness of most the headlines from our nation’s campuses.

  • University of California, Berkeley:
    Professor Paul Vojta, Head of Cal's Jedi Council (Courtesy of the Daily Californian)
    - Cal students Daniel Nemser and Catherine Kauffelt have filed charges against two members of the conduct hearing panel that heard charges against a student for his involvement in last November’s widely publicized anti-tuition hike protests. The Daily Californian reports that the charges claim that the panel “improperly enforced the campus Code of Student Conduct.”  Fortunately, with the men of Stanford football visiting this weekend, the panel will not have to deal with any rowdy celebrations on campus in the near future.
    The Brown Daily Herald's Almost Unreadable Poll Chart
  • Brown University:- The Brown Daily Herald reports that the approval ratings of Brown President Ruth Simmons and the Undergraduate Council of Students (UCS) have remained fairly constant.  President Simmons still enjoys an approval rating of 74%.  The UCS still remains equally unknown and beloved, as 43.5% of students approve of their work, while 46.1% “don’t know” or have “no answer.”  It’s time the UCS built a Wellness Room—I’ve heard they’re vote swayers and have a huge affect on student moods…
  • Harvard University:- More student government news!  The Harvard Crimson headline reads “UC Candidates Compete for Student Group Endorsements,” as voting for the leadership of the Undergraduate Council opened today.  The slate consisting of Senan Ebrahim ’12 and Bonnie Cao ’12 leads the endorsement race, gathering the approval of sixteen student groups.  Somehow, the pair picked up the endorsement of both the Harvard Republican Club and Harvard College Democrats, showing that Stanford is not the only campus on which election endorsements are not tied to a candidate’s values in any way.
  • Dartmouth College:- The New England Association of Schools and Colleges has sent a committee to evaluate Dartmouth as part of its ten-year reaccreditation process.  The Dartmouth reports that Dartmouth has declared to the committee that the College hopes to “develop clearer and more measureable statements of desired learning outcomes.”  From this meaningless statement, we can infer that nobody in Hanover is holding their breaths, wondering whether or not Dartmouth will be reaccredited or if the process will ever have an affect on school policies.
  • Yale University: - *The Yale Daily News*ran an entire article on the destruction of an electronic key card reader at Bingham Hall on campus.  Seeing as this was a devastating event with consequences that could affect even the Class of 2014, the university has promised to “hunt down and punish those responsible for these cowardly acts.”  While that is a fake quote I made up, it, sadly, matched the tone of the article.  I wish the Stanford Daily ran an article on every broken card reader instead of half the articles it runs about alcohol/dating/wellness/etcher.
  • Four Loko Update! (Possibly the final one):- The Food and Drug Administration is expected to issue a report on Four Loko as a soon as Wednesday, reports The New York Times. Minutes after this piece was published, the Stanford Police Department issued over two hundred speeding tickets to students driving recklessly towards Palo Alto. Whether the article and automobile citations are related is still unknown.  In all seriousness, if you are a drinker of the Loko, it would be wise to stock up.  Now.

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