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There are certain things that no man should EVER do: Ride a scooter, wear nantucket red pants, drink Bud Light. But every so often, a subject comes along that must be addressed, regardless of how upsetting it may be to readers. The Stanford Review is an organization committed to spreading truth, and sometimes, the truth is hard to hear. After all, our motto is “Fiat Lux” or “Let there be light.” So today, dear readers, we will be doing something unheard of: ranking the different races at Stanford University.
Yes. We said it. Yes. It is exactly what you think it is. No. We will not apologize for it.
Races are not a comfortable topic to discuss for anyone. Especially when talking about the pros and cons of each one. We feel the weight of history on our shoulders, and acknowledge the raw emotion that such an uncomfortable topic might bring up. But at Stanford, a university made up of students from every walk of life, we are required to reject the status quo. Everyone likes to say that God created each race to be equal, but this could not be further from the truth.
Now we assume most of you are opening your email and writing a strongly worded message to the Stanford Daily or university administration, telling them how repulsive and unacceptable this is. Frankly, we do not care.
So without further ado, we give you a ranking of the different races at Stanford University (from worst to best):
7. The Dish Run: The Dish hurts my knees.
6. Lake Lag Run: Simple and reliable. Could be significantly improved if the lake was filled.
5. Stanford Medicine’s Summer Scamper: Fun time for a good cause, what more could you want?
4. Liquidy Lag Lap: The Lake Lag Run improved with the addition of multiple Modelos.
3. Theta Breakers: Who doesn't love helping the children?
2. Bay to Breakers: Loses points for the early wake up and the old dudes without clothes, but it's a Stanford tradition for a reason.
1. Stanford to the Sea: Not for the faint of heart, but worth it at the end.
