The Road to Wellness: I’m Well!

The Road to Wellness* is one man’s journey to win the*Wellness Challenge, become Well, and take home $100 in the process. In part one I got a pedicure, petted some cacti and walked the dish. In part two I petted a dog and did some yoga. In part three I went to California Pizza Kitchen and meditated. Inpart three, I watched The Soloist and did my best Grant Wood impression. In part four I heard some rather sad monologues, and participated in a massage train. If you have enjoyed this series, I will have a piece on Wellness Week in this upcoming issue of the Stanford Review where I’ll be doing a wrap up and providing some analysis of my experience.

33. Lift the Duck

This is somewhat apt because today is already the last day of Wellness Week and the time has flown like a one-winged duck. Regrettably this turned out to be another event that was canceled. Although in fairness, this was listed as “weather permitting.” Still, it was only a slight drizzle. I was outraged at the Wellness we did not receive, but Sen. Warma seemed fine with it.. I’d put him at a Nelson Mandela after 27 years of prison level of bitterness, which is to say not that bitter because the ordeal is over.

34. Go outside for a study break

Fortunately it did present an opportunity to go outside and study. I think that’s what this meant. If not, I go outside and don’t study all the time, so no worries here.

35. SPOM Panel

This was the final official Wellness Week event. The setup here was that two students told stories of their struggles with mental health. A third was supposed to appear but rather understandably did not. Obviously I’m not going to get into who the students were or even what their particular stories were, but it was some serious stuff. I’m still somewhat not entirely sold on how helpful this sort of thing is, particularly in a one-off setting where the support that the audience may give is much more fleeting than in an Alcoholics Anonymous-type support group. Even so, with mental health, it seems that in some cases things just go wrong, which no amount of support really can do anything about. In any case, it was very courageous of the two panelists to tell their stories.

36. Get to know one of the cafeteria or maintenance staff workers

Four words: Kim from Lag dining. Nuff said.

37. Leave a sweet note for a friend

Ask The Official Wellness Girlfriend. It happened. I drew a giraffe and everything. But wait! Time is running out and I have one more thing to do before I secure my $100 in Wellness Moneys. If you’ll excuse me…

38. Have sex or masturbate

As a bonus, The Official Wellness Girlfriend, upon realizing that in photographing me this week she had attended more events than just about anyone else, and thus stood a chance at a lesser cash prize graciously agreed to put her list of things that make her happy.

  1. Having Wellness Week be over! It was tiring taking so many photos of Jordan! But nevertheless, very good job to the coordinators who put on lots of events! Things I especially enjoyed were: yoga with Pavel while Warma scowled at me incessantly, and also the fresh apple juice they churned in the little juice squeezer-churner at Wellness Party. Most seriously, I was immensely impressed and awed by those who were brave and willing to share their stories at the SPOM panel. Thank you to them, and to those who put on the events.

  2. Living in Columbae (sorry, National Review, you simply don’t know what you’re missing)

  3. The fact that Christopher Buckley called his parents Mum and Pup.

  4. Neko Case’s barn full of pianos.

  5. Mama Panda and Baby Sneezing Panda.

  6. Hilarious Puritan names

7. Snowshoeing. Also, ski resorts in general named “Solitude” that double as singles-club skiing meet-ups. Also, the Jewish Singles Night at Ming’s Restaurant on Christmas that Jordan’s family accidentally walked in on.

  1. Ben Stein eating Cracker Jacks and wearing Keds at the Christopher Hitchens vs. God debate.

  2. Steve Brodner drawing Ayatollah Huckabee on the Naked Campaign.

  3. Jorge Posada and Jorge Jr.’s story.

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